I realize that this might be a little dark, but I’m going, to be honest with you…I’m a dark person, with dark thoughts. My daughter once text me “Remember to keep murder in your thoughts”. It sounds a bit weird, but her intention was to remind me not to DO murderous things, only to keep them in my head.
Welcome to my inner thoughts.
Episode 1:
I work with a very sweet person (very socially unaware extrovert-literally the worst kind of person), but she tends to talk A LOT…I am not much of a talker and very much an introvert. Being an introvert does not only mean not talking, being around people exhausts me… it’s like their very energy sucks the life out of me until I am nothing but a dead raisin. One particular day we were working next to each other and I knew it was going to be a challenging day. As I started my day I took a deep breath & tried to believe the best about the day ahead. (Mental meditation *oohhhmmm* wishing I’d brought sage)
I lost, very early in the day…too early in the day. There were actually times that I didn’t even REALIZE that she was talking to me. Words flying out of her mouth, me looking around wondering who those words were supposed to be hitting…only to realize they were hitting the intended mark. I felt like I was middle-of-conversation eavesdropping. 12 hours of this! I was being assaulted in my ear hole. Words were being shoved at me without my willing consent. I started watching the clock, knowing it would only make the day feel like an eternity, but trying to figure out if my 1/2 hr break (that was hours away) would be enough “recharge” time.
I can tell you now that it was NOT….I recharged enough to eat & stare off into space willing the air around me to somehow provide enough life to not lose my shit. I only have so many words that I will say in a day and it turns out I only have so many words that I can take in a day. Sewing her lips shut was becoming a valid option. It was either going to be that or stabbing a pen through my already bleeding ears. I was leaning toward the former considering I was already in enough pain and she looked to be in none. Fortunately enough for her and ultimately for me (I wouldn’t do well in jail) the day ended and with it the torture that I had to endure. I was proud of the fact that I didn’t scream obscenities or tell her that I hoped she choked (very violently) on the words that she was firing at me! My ears are once again safe…until the next unaware extrovert shoves their unwanted words into my very soul.